It was a dark and stormy night. Outside the wind howled while lightning crackled in a devilish laughter. It was late. Soon rain began to fall, splattering like freshly drawn blood on everything in sight. I dreaded the predicament that was before me, but I could not procrastinate any longer. I had to venture out into the angry night… and head to my local Walgreens pharmacy (yes, Walgreens). As I made my way slowly down the winding road, the rain began to rapidly increase as a dreadful downpour ensued and grew evermore vengeful as I came closer to my intended destination. Above, the black sky became temporarily illuminated by the thunder and lightning which gave just a glimpse of the bare skeleton like trees lining the road.
I paused for a moment. I’d finally reached the pharmacy, but something ominous was in the air. I quickly ran from the car into the store. As I entered, I was met with an eerie silence. Eyes peered at me from the aisles as I walked past. Suddenly, I stopped dead in my tracks! There. It. Was. The horror! The agony! The despair! I was surrounded. There was no escape; absolutely no way out. I could feel them coming near me; my eyes burned at the hideous sight! I stumbled, falling to the floor kicking and screaming.
“Someone please help me!”
But it was no use. I was doomed. I couldn’t bear to look at the hellish macabre scene before my eyes. And do you know what I saw?!? Men… in baggy basketball shorts… wearing unnaturally big t-shirts with (*gulp*) sandals and white socks!!! I let out an ear-piercing, blood curdling scream!!
Suddenly I awoke. Finding myself in my bed panting and sweaty. I slowly came to the realization that it was all just a horrible dream. What a relief!
The next day, I actually did make a trip to Walgreens, albeit, somewhat apprehensively (as you can imagine). Just as I was about to go into the store, I took a deep breath and stepped inside. I must admit, I was relieved. There was nothing out of the ordinary. It appeared that good well-dressed patrons were going about their normal daily shopping activities. I too joined in, gathering my items and whatnot as my nightmare was all but a distant memory now. I got in line to pay for the items but became distracted by an article about Kim Kardashian. Just as I was getting to the juicy part, a loud obnoxious voice abruptly caught my attention.
“Hey, it’s your turn! Move it already!” A voiced boomed behind me.
Well, the audacity of this person! I slammed that magazine down, turned around and there it was! Scarier than the most horrific zombie apocalypse! More frightening than being chained to a chair in a room full of razor-sharp farm equipment… where the only other occupant in the room is Leather Face! What was I to do? Where was I to go? This wasn’t a nightmare…it was real life! Before my eyeballs stood a line…of men…all wearing unusually big t-shirts with basketball shorts…and worst of all….sandals with white ankle socks!!! And these were not just any sandals. No. No. No. These were…(shuttering) BIRKENSTOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God, what did I do to have my precious eyeballs deserve this? Why? Whhhhhhyyyyyyyyyy?!?!?!?!?!
Unfortunately, my harrowing story is all too real and much too common. Everyday, millions of eyeballs (including those of children) are subjected to the gruesome and gory sight of men’s casual wear gone terribly awry! It’s slowly eating away at our society… and the future of children everywhere. Much like the dreaded “mommy/dad jeans”, this is a serious problem. Is there hope? Do we have a chance? Well, my bow ties, the truth is that there is a remedy…. in the form of Neil Barrett’s Spring 2015 menswear collection :). The answer to our deepest fashion prayers! Hallelujah!
Neil Barrett’s spring 2015 menswear collection was a beacon in the sky. A light at the end of the tunnel. Gorgeous fabrics and effortless casual style was just what the fashion doctor ordered. I don’t know about you, but I would much rather see gentlemen making their weekend errands in basically anyone of these looks. Really. Any of them will do. Close your eyes and pick one! It’s no secret that one of the most despicable, eyeball gouging, gut-wrenching faux pas in menswear is wearing oversized t-shirts with basketball shorts (when you’re NOT playing basketball) and then pairing them with sandals and socks. How and when did this happen? I don’t know, but thankfully Mr. Barrett has some much needed medication. If you are a man or if the man in your life is suffering from this fatal fashion disease….the cure is below. Bow ties, these are my fashion faves for Neil Barrett Spring 2015 Menswear! Please wear looks or use the looks as fashion inspiration daily until symptoms have been alleviated. You’re welcome!
What do you think? Love my choices? Hate them? If you have a butthole then you have an opinion…and now would be a good time to share it! Comment below (but please be respectful).