“Oh, I love seeing teachers outside of school. It’s like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs”. Lizzy Caplan’s character, Janis Ian in Mean Girls, perfectly summed up the awkwardness of seeing your teacher *gasp* outside of the classroom in “real life.” But, I believe that same sentiment can also be applied to another group of people… athletes! Think about it. We’re used to seeing athletes in their team uniforms (with some better than others), but what kind of fashion sense do these sports stars have in their normal lives? A bow tie would think that being cooped up in the same boring, stinky, sweaty, dull, un-imaginative uniform would cause a jock or two to definitely develop some need for or have some “fashion” in their lives. Unfortunately, our eyeballs don’t really have the chance to gaze upon this little known fashion landscape. Well, that is until the ESPYS rolled into town and suddenly… BAM! Athletic Fashion was (1) an actual “thing” and (2) was staring us straight in the face… and not blinking!
Fame? Check. Gargantuan amounts of money and powerful connections? Check, check! A great sense of style and understanding of fashion? Well… hmmm. The 2015 ESPY Awards were held last month to celebrate and recognize the achievements of all kinds of athletes by giving out some sort of statue thingy. But let’s be honest here bow ties, this awards show is really about checking out which sports A-lister has the best fashion and… uh… yea. After wondering for months and months on end (not really) about what athletes would look like out of their uniforms, I for one (and I think you’ll agree with me) must say… PUT THE UNIFORMS BACK ON!!! Seriously. What in the fashion foolery?!? If my memory serves me correctly, there was a superhero costume of some sort and apparently many athletes viewed the ESPYS as some sort of business meeting… like in a boardroom. Where’s the fashion? Where’s the style? Actually, where were the stylists? Really. And most importantly, where was the tailoring bow ties? Now, every bow tie needs a tailor, but this is especially true for athletes as it won’t be easy to fit a 6’8″ frame that’s 250lbs of solid muscle into an “off-the-rack” suit… and now thanks to the ESPYS, we have proof of that! Yes, a sports superstars new BFF is a tailor. Find one immediately!
Now wait, wait. Hold up. Some (and I stress some) of these athletes did manage to look, dare I say, good. Dapper even! So which athletes made the fashion plays and which ended up making a fashion faux pas more embarrassing than Mr. Gisele Bundchen’s deflated balls? It’s the 2015 ESPY Awards
best dressed men pictures of what men were wearing below. Enjoy!
First up is “We are NOT having SEX!!!!” aka Ciara and Russell Wilson. We are NOT having SEX look picture perfect in matching hues of my signature color. And I must admit that their matchy-matchy ensemble do read a bit “prom” to me… well, that is if your prom’s dress code requires ultra-expensive and flawless designer clothes!
From the ankle up, Mr. D-Wade is the epitome of classic and sophisticated dapperness. But from the ankle down, it’s a hot mess! Ha! However, the upper half is so suave, I may just be able to ignore the catastrophe on his feet… maybe.
Mr. Aaron Rodgers is making even the hardest cheese heads melt with this well tailored slate blue suit and complimentary kicks. Gentlemen take note, this is how you style sneakers with a suit! Mr. Rodgers also scores a 2 point conversion for paying attention to detail with his sophisticated lapel pin.
Mr. LeBron James continues his winning fashion streak in this sleek and tailored black velvet dinner jacket and smart bow tie. Now if only he could translate his fashion success into another (and first for the Cavs) NBA Championship… he’s got the style for it… at least.
He may have won MVP for the 2015 NBA season, but that is totally not important. What is? Winning my MFP (Most Fashionable Player) a much more inspiring and prestigious awards. Yes, its true. It’s what all the kids are looking up to and striving for these days… smart!
Ex-bachelor and former quarterback (backup) Mr. Jesse Palmer is looking rather refined and elegant in a simple but classic black tux complete with my signature bow tie. Looks like somebody found out what a stylist is…
Mr. Jake Gyllenhaal trained hard to score this fashion touchdown. Training and practice… makes perfect!
Sooo… this is what hockey players look like outside of those big, baggy uniforms. A+ Mr. Tyler Seguin!
Mr. Joel McHale rocks the “perfect shade of blue” suit for this athlete awards show!
Mr. Jenner wasn’t the only member from the Jenner/KKK clan to show up to awards show and more importantly, support Caitlyn… and look fab while doing so.
NBA Player, Mr. Justice Winslow
Mr. Jimmy Butler
Mr. Derek Jeter (also in blue) sizzles on stage and wins for wearing the perfect attire to accept an award!
Mr. Kevin Love or “K-Love” as his close friends call him (I should know because I’m one of them!), is long, lean, sleek and pristine in this nicely tailored tuxedo. And that’s no easy feat given that he’s 6ft 10in and 243lbs!
Mr. Affleck may be going through a very public… uh, let’s say “situation” with Ms. Garner, but it didn’t stop him from looking superb (if not a little bit hefty) at the awards show… wedding ring, nanny rumors and all!
Mr. Rodriguez was this close to ending up in the category below, but I have to admit, the man has enough swagger to take his simple black suit from office wear to red carpet ready luxury. Not easy bow ties.
Business attire The rest: The Good. The Bad. And…
Mr. Brett Farve is arguably one of the most decorated football players of our time. I mean, he’s got stats for daaaaayyysss…. and that’s no surprise given that he played until he was 85!
Memo to Mr. Peyton Manning: You don’t always have to incorporate/wear your team colors to the ESPYS… really. Mmmm…hmmm… I didn’t forget about this…
*Sigh* Takes deep, long breath… Mr. Rob Gronkowski…??????????????. What. Is. This. Mr. Gronkowski or “Gronk” as his close friends refer to him as (and again, I’m one of these close friends) looks boardroom ready in this gray/bland boring ensemble (all that’s missing is a briefcase and a graph of a data table on posters). With a personality as big as his, I expected way more pizzazz, spunk and awesomeness from the great Gronk. And how do you have a body like this (click it..NSFWish), and then cover it up in this suit that’s doing your body a grave and massive disservice. It’s not horrible, but not great either. Listen, you’re only gonna be in your 20’s with a body of Greek God for a limited time, show it off while you still can.
Soccer star Mr. A.J. DeLaGarza…
Football player, Mr. Todd Herremans…
Mr. Malcom Butler, a new truck from Mr. Brady and a pretty suave lookin’ suit!
Mr. Johnathan Banks, is banking on this blue hued suit. And it’s a touchdown!
Football player, Mr. Andrew East
NFL player, Mr. John Moffitt has a killer smile, but is the same true for his suit?
Mr. J.J. Watt… love the shoes. What do we think about the whole ensemble?
NFL player, Brandon LaFell
I would say something, but these two guys look pretty intimidating… no? Mr. Senquez Golson and Mr. Bo Wallace. What do we think bow ties?
And finally, Mr. Odell Beckham Jr. Well, I must say, when you make one hell of a catch, it’s no surprise that your fashion has a big kick of flair attached to it. What do we think bow ties?
(images: Chris Pizzello/Invision/AP, Getty, Jason Merrit/Getty Images, Kevin Winter/Getty Images, internet)
What do you think? Love my choices? Hate them? If you have a butthole then you have an opinion…and now would be a good time to share it! Comment below (but please be respectful).